Day 1: The South Will Rise Again

My last moments in Pennsylvania and my first minutes in Arkansas both evoked tears from my eyes. First PA: Early on Wednesday morning when the snow was blowing like crazy, My Mom, Dad, Megan and I were sitting in the living when a random neighbor came by and plowed our sidewalk. He got within inches of my car with the snow blower, which caused me to say to the four of us, “don’t hit my car!” That must’ve been where my dad got the idea from. Because within the next few hours he was out plowing the sidewalk and I came out to help and he says, “Hey I hit your car with the snow blower.” Oh, no big deal, thanks for the heads up! Just kidding dad, it’s alright.

My first memory of my new life in Arkansas; it’s 3:30 in the morning central time (which is close to Ohio…), Summer’s decked out in her southern attire, shorts and a fleece blanket with a big hole in it and boots (untied) from Walmart, and Molly had been awoken from her slumber. Molly offered one hell of a greeting. With her razor sharp talons, she stood on her hind legs and swatted at me with her big dopey paws. One of her nails was lucky enough to catch in my nose like a fish hook and sliced it open. My southern belle of a Fiancé offered some words of advice. “Oh baby, no, you gotta greet her when you come in. best way to do that is get on the floor, roll on to your back, and while “humming ole McDonald had a farm” you have to juggle three dog treats and rub her belly, otherwise she’ll get ya every time.” Ah, thanks babe, I didn’t realize I had to be a part of the Cirque to keep my body parts intact.

Today I had an interview for a job in Little Rock. The guy was pretty cool and everything seemed to be going well, he took me to meet one of the directors and then we went back into his office to finish things up and that’s when I saw it. The special edition red swing line stapler from the “Office Space” movie. So I said, “oh red swing line stapler, I have one of those. “ He said “ yeah funny story, back when I worked for a publishing company the people there got it for me. I
like to mountain bike and I thought it’d be a good activity for my wife and I to do together. So, the first time we went out it was raining and the bikes got stuck on the mud. I picked up my bike and moved it over a rock, reached for my wife’s bike and I tripped and fell. That’s why my coworkers got me the stapler.” I pretended to laugh like that was funny and made sense, but in my head I was thinking, “I don’t f*cking get it, so they think you’re the creepy guy named Milt from office space who set Initec on fire because you tripped while mountain biking?? K…

So then Summer and I went to go rent a movie. We pulled up to the Movie Gallery store. There was a very peculiar sign in the window, “FREE KIDS.” Which I couldn’t figure out if that was supposed to be a message to “free the kids” from something (like the south) or if they were saying you could take theirs whenever. If it’s the ladder they’re wasting their time and money even posting that sign, nobody wants them.

Then, my favorite event of the day. Summer and I are on our way back from dinner. We passed a store and she says “mm Hibbett Sports, what is that?” I said, “It’s like a Dicks Sporting Goods, and there’s one near your work in Forrest city.” Now at the time we were in Wynne, which is maybe 15 minutes from Forrest city. She comes back with, “really? But I’ve never seen two Dick’s that close together.” I told her that’s because she changes in the women’s locker room…

- Sean